magic act

"Tonight: vanish while you can."

Those are the wise final words I received from the big Lion in the sky today, and while horoscopes are usually for the purpose of time-wasting and vague coincidences, this one just doesn't make sense. because three days from now, that's exactly what I'm doing. vanishing. *poof* one minute you see her, the next.... she's trying to survive a non-stop 22 hour flight down, down, and under.

So, contrary to the lioness and her advice, this is the only time I CAN'T vanish. I have never been more obligated to pay much-overdue respects to the people and places that made these last two years in ottawa truly phenomenal. that being said, let the tear-filled weekend of mayhem, madness, and memories begin. let's get messy ottawa, one last time.

sprint.

61 minutes.
down the the wire.

coffee in hand, the sun is shining off the porch and I'm ready (as I'll ever be) to put this town in my wake. minutes fly by and there's nothing left to do but wait for that deadline, wait for those wheels to send me away. "follow me back like a ride on a train, make it hard to remember the cold/ take care of your money and stay out of the rain..." the words echo deep, singing sirens of the days and nights we've spent sprawled on these streets.

I'll be back before you know it. but with just a over week's worth of nostalgia left to explore, the reality starts to sink in. nothing but time on our hands and our eyes to the skies, we're lifting off and ready for orbit. and as much as it hurts to tip-toe off these tiles for the last time, I've only got 11 days and 11 nights to soak it all into my system. then it's hats off, anchors away, with no time to look back.

I swear to these rooftops, and just hope that car will never stop *

waiting waiting waiting

I have a habit of stealing lyrics. well, actually, lyrics have a habit of stealing my thoughts. but I can't help it if someone else said it better than I can.

you gotta swim, swim for your life.
swim for the music that saves you
when you're not so sure you'll survive.

you gotta swim, swim when it hurts.
the whole world is watching,
you haven't come this far to fall off the earth.

the currents will drag you away from your love
just keep your head above...

I found a tidal wave begging to tear down the dawn
memories like bullets, they fired at me from a gun
a crack in the armour

I swim for brighter days, despite the absense of sun
choking on salt water I'm not giving in, I swim

You gotta swim, and swim in the dark
There's no shame in driftin, feel the tide shifting...
and wait for the spark

Yeah you gotta swim, don't let yourself sink
Just find the horizon ...I promise you,
it's not as far as you think

drums

If you fall asleep down by the water,
baby I'll carry you all the way home
If you fall asleep down by the water,
baby I'll carry you all the way home

everybody's gotta love someone, but I just wanna love you dear. everybody's gotta feel something. I just wanna be with you, my dear. I know it's hard, I know its hard...
I know its hard to be in this position

If they stop loving you, I wont stop loving you.
If they stop needing you, I'll still need you my dear

If you fall asleep down by the water,
baby I'll carry you all the way home
If you fall asleep down by the water,
baby I'll carry you all the way home

you gotta believe me when I say, when I say the word "forever". and whatever comes your way, we'll still be here together. I know its hard, I know its hard,

but I understand you...
just take my hand.

one big mess

I am slowly descending into the realm of emotional instability.
it's not necessarily a bad thing....

but it's different. that's for sure.

soulstorm

some of the very best moments of summer 2010. my first summer spent in ottawa, and just a little bit of everywhere else. enjoy.

first "official" day of summer, the day after I made my return from the great white west. wonderful day filled with beer and little italy and habs games and friends. also the day I met a most wonderful young man.

Fringe Festival 2010; too much to be said... what little arts community exists in ottawa congregates on ottawa university campus for a good two weeks, filling the city with theatre, music, dance, and magic. Maybe I'm just inexperienced, but this could only be described as one of the greatest and most memorable performances of my young life. great show, great place, great people. This is a shot from Wakefield, ON (population 12) where we trekked for 2 out of 10 nights to perform our blasphemy-drenched Durang masterpiece on the altar of a church for an eldery audience. How none of us burst in flames in the process is still a mystery to me.

A much needed visit home in June for birthdays and drinks with people I love. The above features said drinks with my favourite boys in the world (minus rory) one glorious poolside afternoon at dear Alex's. miss you guys!

Adam and I braved a mid-week trip to the cottage at the end of June; and herein lies just a slice of the result This is probably the most delicious breakfast I've had all summer. enough said.

you're walking in the sea of red and white when you stumble through a park and into a full-fledged K-OS concert. that is Canada day in the capital city. The above has to be my favourite picture from the entire day/night.

finally; Bluesfest '10. my first experience with this epic musical portrayal happened this july, and two days were well-spent immersed in rambunctious crowds and electric sound. Day one included a little bit of everything and 12 hours in your dancing shoes, beginning with my dear friends The Love Machine (above), followed by the epic dance parties of passion pit and the oh-so-beloved down with webster. As night fell we wandered to James Hunter for some much needed blues groovin. Day two (or, night two I suppose) was none other than Great Big Sea. and for that, there are simply no words.

There you have it, children. And, as much fun as I am having these past few lovely months, there are just a few things I would change....

I miss you guys more than you know ♥

gotime

OKAY.... it's time to switch gears.

From here on in, it's all things magic and money. because as much as it saddens me to say, in the next ten weeks, the amount of money made will determine the amount of magic experienced. to a degree anyways... it will certainly determine the level and quantity of such important commodities as oh, say, food, drink, bedsheets... and all those fun things necessary to sustain a person's existence. I guess I should explain;

That's right kids.... It's on.

Approximately 70 days from now, I will be touching down in Sydney Airport. Uh huh, that's Sydney AUSTRALIA. Six states, six hundred job opportunities and six million adventures await my arrival in that beautiful south-eastern land mass, and I think it's safe to say I've never been more ecstatic, optimistic, and terrified about anything in my young life thus far.

Despite my endless spouting of my apparent need for spontaneity and adventure and travel etc in my life, I've been more or less all talk in those areas. Especially considering my "need" for solo adventurism hasn't taken me further than weekends trips to various cottages and cabins and one very messy pre-graduation trip (we all remember Cayo '08, don't we? well, some of it...) and while that's all well and good and wonderful.. this is big. Bigger than big. Bigger than anything I've ever entertained or attempted in the past. Not only is this 8 months of more magic, beauty, and stories than I will know what to do with... but it is also 8 months of solitude from the people and places I have only known all my life, and grown to love more than anything.

hmm...

It's going to be a weird and wonderful winter.
and a strange and star-spangled spring.

aaaaand go.

we're off to see welfare

- $1.17.

now that's a new record. a new low, if you will...
but I suppose I better get used to living like a gypsy if the great and powerful AUZ trek goes down next year.

Did I say "if"? Oh, I meant when.
and did I say next year? I meant this fall.

THE MADNESS!
How I'm planning to buy a plane ticket and support myself across the planet on a steady diet of la senza cash is.... unclear. but regardless, my name is written in sand on those beaches. and who am I to ignore mother nature? that badass bitch has got some serious power.... and this year, she's telling me to skip winter.

It would just be rude to say no.

curbside prophecy

did you ever notice how everything just piles up at once?

when it rains it pours, the storm after calm waters. tidal waves of obligation. everything you want to accomplish and can't seem to handle rolled into one weekend. and you know there's nothing to follow but stillness... but as I stare down the barrel of the first of three potentially chaos-driven days - and nights - I can't help but think that this time, it might just be too much...

In the next few short days, I am nothing less than obligated to A) pack up a years worth of memories in one elongated evening; B) perform a months worth of rehearsals on four separate occasions; and C) learn four months worth of 2401A: philosophy of human communication in one desperate all-nighter for an inconveniently placed final....

and despite the chaos, I haven't been this excited for a single week in a very, long, time.
life is pretty fucking great right now.

you make the earth move

if you fall asleep down by the water,

baby I'll carry you all the way home.

you fall so easy, and fall so hard
when that kind of hurricane hits

when you can feel the winds melt

into a cyclone of flame and fever

just two thundering heartbeats
as lightning bolts ignite your veins

summer never seemed so spellbound.

take it away boys

~~~~

~~~~

blast from the curbside prophet past; I've said it before and I'll say it again... I've always been one to adapt rather than create. so here's a creation of someone else's creations. from exactly half a year and half a million pages ago.

I wanna dance with somebody
so take me out tonight

cause I'm gonna live forever
if you let me stand next to your fire
I like being submerged in your contradictions

I want you so bad
and you're always on my mind
It's aurora borealis' company that I'm tight with
we just met, so let's get off the hook
all alone, show me where to go

you really got a hold on me
and you set my soul on fire
bring me an angel flying from montgomery,
and a great day to be alive.
to meet with the geek, all you need is a heartbeat.

I gotta be startin something
cause I just wanna fly
open up the gates of the church, and let me out
I don't need no slow man,
so put your arms around me baby.

credits (in order) include; whitney , jesse lacy, irene cara, jimi, mr. a-z, beatles, phantom planet, jason again, spiral beach, the scarlett boys, she & him, everyone, bonnie raitt, travis t, jason once more, michael, crosby stills & nash, kings of leon, sugar ray ♥ ♥ ♥

tide's comin in

your eyes destroy me every time I think

that soul music train just doesn't end!
though this is a familiar kind of magic,
just reinvented.
for me to find.
and conquer.

I wish I could put it in writing...
but this good old war rages on.
chased by new formats and rocketmen,
the strings sing me sleep and throw me into the fireworks.

speechless, baby.

new wave, old water

I love that the thrill of finding new music.
That instant addiction.
That tidal wave of new sound.
untapped and untamed,
just waiting to take you under.

♥

On That Note;
this is me following through on a promise to a wonderfully talented friend of mine I met this summer out west, a young man named mr. james struthers. Upon hearing his magic in musical form I promised I'd whore his music out to everyone I know, so in that case (I'm going to pretend for a minute that people actually read this...) here he is. While his acoustic cover of RKelly's ignition is nothing less than genius, his original stuff is equally beautiful and I highly recommend you check it out.

http://www.myspace.com/jamesstruthers

primetime survival

As if the world hasn't said it enough, but I think it must be said once more;

Thank the sweet baby jesus for bringing us Glee!

As obnoxiously prevalent as this show is becoming, I can't help but think that it was created specifically for me and quite likely by my 6-year-old inner child. And even though the increasingly ubiquitous presence of the music, moves, words, and steps is spreading like wildfire across generations and getting horribly annoying and tediously repetitive... It still remains amazing. Every single broadway-drenched reference that would fly over the heads of anyone less than well-versed in musical dramedy rings so clear to me, it's unbelievable. Hilarity and harmony and hot men singing showtunes, it's really all a girl could ask for.

That being said NPH may have brought everything to a new level. Dream On indeed, duets like that don't come around every day. Let alone twice in one episode... I dreamed a dream of everything I love rolled into 47 minute intervals. Let us take a look at some truly excellent moments from this past slice of awesomeness, shall we?....

"I sound like someone put tap shoes on a horse and then shot it."

"You can't feed a child sheet music. I mean I suppose you could for a while... but they'd be dead within a month."

"I have a box of playbills hidden away in my basement, will.... LIKE PORN!"

"Are you saying that you're fathers impregnated Patti Lupone in the Marriot in Akron? Was Mandy Patinkin in on this?"

Ahhaha, magic.

sweetness never suits me

"when you showed up,
you showed up right on time.

an elegant sweetheart that just blew my mind
I guess the keys to my castle had always been there
there for the taking, but nothing could prepare me...

boy, one look at you and I was hooked. and then,

thunder and beds and the earthquake shook
burned all the pages, and re-wrote the book
stole my soul with a laugh and a look

with your-heart shaped lips and my breath that you took"

hello sunshine

have you ever held your breath, and asked yourself; "will it ever get better than tonight?"

because I have. only, when one night last five sunrises, and four days feels like one endless daydream, you find yourself mentally chanting it every second. this isn't real life. this can't be happening, because it can't be fair to anyone that I can be this happy in a single moment. in every single moment. because it's every level of perfection that you can't help to consume and won't want to escape.

there's nothing like a snowstorm on sunshine. sizzles in the tundra, a scorch through a blizzard. frozen springtime overflowing with cheap kicks, free thrills, and magic waiting to happen. just three hundred and sixty some-odd until the fireworks ignite again, and next time they're gonna run wild, four months of forest fire.

because some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.*

shadows and puppets

"I can still remember when your city smelt exciting,
I still get a whiff of that aroma now and then...
Burglary and fireworks, the skies they were alighting.
Accidents and toffee drops and thinking on the train..

Summertime made promises it knew it couldn’t keep,
the fairytale was climbing up a mountain far too steep.
Colour in the pictures with your royal hands,
now I am craving heartbreak while you’re making your demands...


Oh he was young in the frost,
No regard for the cost of saying his feelings in moments they were felt.
And if he was calm like you...
Locked up inside of your loops then he’d know full well,
that all he had to say was;

all he had to say was goodbye."

- Alex Turner. how do you always know?

alice said it best

Last one. the final hurdle. the end of it all...
the scantron war to end all wars.


and now it's mere days until I can jet over those prairies without a single thought that isn't about sun, snow, sushi, and skiidays.

first stop calgary, then those mountains call me into the tiny wooden paradise that is banff, alberta, canada.

six days might as well be a lifetime.
I literally, cannot wait.

I can't get enough of you, baby.

revertigo

shakedown, you make me break

countless peppermint teas, five hours of much needed napping, and one overdue assignment later; this is university livin.
welcome home jillian?

She & Him, you make my life move.

these monsters of folk have infected my soul,
and I'm takin what I can while I can.
cause my clock is ticking double-time
and this time around,
the explosion won't settle without a fight.
it's now or never, all or nothing.
throw down your dice and take it all.



...on second thought;

{-----} {-------} {--------}

Something always brings me back to you, It never takes too long you hold me without touch, you keep me without chains

I never wanted anything so much
than to drown in your love and not feel your rain

Set me free, leave me be I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity

Here I am and I stand so tall I'm just the way I'm supposed to be
...But you're on to me, and all over me

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see
That you're everything I think I need here on the ground

But you're neither friend nor foe, though I can't seem to let you go...

The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me Down Down Down

in the heights... of the library

sometimes campus is just so interesting. I am thoroughly enjoying watching impromptu salsa lessons in the atrium instead of writing a philosophy paper about Danish cartoons and their evocation of hate speech.

behold; procrastination at the most entertaining level.

when coffee breaks turn into full-blown adventures. Excuses for detours flood from every angle, and every distraction seems to deserve your undivided attention. Even now, as I'm wasting valuable minutes typing in the wrong form, I can't seem to stop myself.

aye caliente senoir, mucho gusto!
no pare, sigue sigue!

aw maaaaaan, why wasn't I born in columbia?
go back to the library jillian. jesussss.

Finale.

you bring the cup,
and we'll bring the starshine.

if it's love, make it hurt

tech week.
it is, and always will be, a very interesting time.

it's almost indescribable, almost. but waiting here in the calm before the storm of all storms seems somewhat contradictory, when the calm is a madness all in itself.

tripping. and lighting. and placing. and singing. and moving. and working. and waiting. and whining. and wanting. and faking. and hurting. and napping. and bitching. and laughing. and thinking.
and not thinking.
and trying not to think about it.

it's an electricity I can't live without and a hurricane I can't handle, too much and not enough all rolled into one. it steals my sleep and hurts my head and melts my mind, but I won't settle for anything less, and I can't survive with anything more.

21 days of musical mess, and 341 days of waiting for it to happen all over again.

diamonds in my drink tonight

If you ain't down with webster, don't pretend to be...


it's amazing.
I don't know how they do it, but EVERY TIME they do it.
you think oh man, can't be as good as last time. That energy, that timeshift, that florescent white light white heat that surrounds you every time they hit the stage... but with every year they send more shockwaves, and there's nothing to do but drown in the magnificence. you can't fake that kind of charisma. you can't fabricate that level of magic. cause it's all you, baby.

all of you.

"I got a red cup, you fill it up for me,
I'm on the guest list, you better check for me.."

nostalgia at it's finest

Shake down you make me break, for goodness sake I think I'm on the edge of something new with you...

Standing there with your smile blinding your eyes from seeing my face as I'm dying to figure out a [boy]

so don't say "these currents are still killing me"
and you can't explain, but the wind went and pulled me into your hurricane

So pull me under your weather patterns, your cold fronts and the rain don't matter... because the sun burns when I need it

You don't do it on purpose,
but you make me shake.

Now I count the hours 'til you wake
With your babies breath, breathe symphonies
common, sweet catastrophe

and maybe this time I can follow through I can feel complete, stop paying dues. stop the rain from falling, keep my ocean calm...

This time I know nothing's wrong.

soco knows best. and apparently, always will.

thursdays are for ollies

all she wants to do is...
ALL SHE WANTS TO DO IS


DANCE

I can't help if you look like an angel

you gotta swim;

swim for your life.
swim for the music that saves you
when you're not so sure you'll survive

swim
swim when it hurts
the whole world is watching,
you haven't come this far to fall off the earth.

just keep your head above

there's no shame in drifting
feel the tide shifting
and wait for the spark....

the couv: day seventeen

oh Vancouver 2010, such a joy it has been....

it's been a fantastic seventeen days (what I've managed to see of it with the little time I've scraped together between work and rehearsal and school and rehearsal and sleep and rehearsal...) and I'm kind of sad that it's all over... but if there's one silver lining it's that I don't have to hear one more rendition of the "I Believe" song. yes, they are all beautiful and haunting and epic. and repetitive, and unnecessary. I think I would be happier if they brought back celine, and it takes a lot for me to say that.

BUT, obnoxious french-canadian pop sensations aside, it's been wonderful. and I'm going to miss it, and I've never wanted to go skiing SO BADLY - all in time muahahaha YAY - but downhill anything has kinda gone right over my head, this year, it's all about hockey and figure skating

I remember it being awesome, but not THAT awesome. and even now, as I watch the closing ceremonies fire up into their usual spectacular dimensions, I still think my favourite moment was still the first dance by scott moir and tessa virtue....

these two were nothing but perfect, and as such I have developed a huge crush on both of them. it's not enough that they both look like abecrombie models, but they're beyond adorable in everything they do and say, and they move like nobody I've ever seen. That wasn't figure skaters on that rink... it was a matador and a gypsy, dancing on knives, and defying gravity.
nothing but gorgeous, it was possibly the most un-tragic thing you could ever witness and I still wanted to cry... well played canada, well played.

♥ ♥

and I suppose I should go soak it up while I still have the chance, the closing ceremonies are still on, and chances are I'm gonna be like 50 when they come back to canada...

and at that point, god DAMN if I won't be sitting in those closing ceremonies after a week of magic! it's gotta happen, happen sometime.

maybe I'll just head up to Sochi next summer,

Russia always sounded nice to me.... ;)

photo phun

biology midterm in 14.5 hours (message from future jillian... make that 11.5), the weather is absolute crap, raining slush and oh so very cold.. and I have to endure it all for 45 minutes of dancing. *heavy sigh*

but there are more important things going on in the universe this week...
consider the following;

~~~

the weeks to come are packed with more madness than any respectable young woman can handle, but I am up to the challenge as always. among others this includes love machining, showtime overtime and of course my boys DEE DUB, the artists respectfully known as Down With Webster are finally bringing their gorgeous (and now signed&famous) selves back to the capital city for the enjoyment of all. it's going to be a night to remember, as they all have been...




~~~

I saw a glee preview yesterday and nearly hit the cieling with excitement... I don't understand how a tv show, with such wonderfully cheesy acting and painfully predictable plot-lines, can have such an emotional captivation. those gorgeous voices hit frequencies you can only dream about, perfection you can only imagine. they're livin in the limelight you can only see with your eyes closed, and bringing it to you by the ear-full.
jonathan groff, of the sexy spring awakening groff, is gonna appear somewhere is part 2/season 1 (common, really? was that neccessary) and I cannot waittttt to see what happens.. the chemistry between these two - musical and otherwise - is undeniable. I'm hopin for some seriously heart wrenching duets, J & L, heart wrenching.

~~~

on another note, my afternoon naps of wonderfulness have taken control of my life. it's like clockwork, two hours after I get home from [insert university life activity here] boom - out like a light. whether I plan to or not, I have to cut a good 2-4 hours out of my day to account for accidental napping. which is awesome, and so not awesome, all at the same time. cause while who doesn't love a mid-day snooze, it's not allowing me to stay up any later and now I just get even less done.. something till now I thought was impossible. so this weekend, I'm gonna make up for my lack of non-sleep. workload aside, it's time fo me to start-a-livin....

it's all happening.

you said it, mr. k

oh stephen kellogg and your mighty sixers, how do you speak to my soul like you do?

When you slid into the room
Everything else just disappeared
Taj Mahal sang "My Corrina"
So loud and so sincere
You were so, so sincere

Believe me when I tell you...

that what went down
was a one time deal.

over and over the things that we said
my sweet charade

I don't know what your situation is
I don't know if you gotta girl
But I'm making up for younger days
And if I don't talk I just get shy
You were wearing baby blue, a charm school graduate
I was anything but charming, but you still got into it
There was nothing I could do

My desiring eyes, my pathetic resolve
The way I work through my lies, the way that my world revolves...
I could see the invitation written on your face

....and

"Maybe it's love, how would I know?
Every time I get close to it, I let it go
You could be different, you could be kind
But I'll never know cause I will leave you behind"

alabama heat? sign me up

I am ridiculously, obsessively, and completely into anything country & blues right now.
it's an instant addiction, I'll give ya that. almost overnight. but I'm never looking back


because even now, as the previously untapped glory of stephen kellogg & the sixers seeps into my ears, I've never felt this balanced with musicality. and I know there's only more to come. more strings to pluck, more boots to stomp. more of those perfect voices to uncover...

they can take something you always know but didn't know you loved, or something you've rehearsed a thousand times over, and melt it into something just as beautiful and even more magnetic.

and you know that I'm a sucker for anything acoustic, or harmonic.. but this time it hits a little harder. makes you wanna dance and cry, laugh and scream, stomp and fly.

there's gonna be hell to pay from here on in, every other night will be another adventure in twanging musical magic.

and it won't be long before I'm living those songs..

before I'm singing those tunes...

before I'm there.

"I'm gonna knock em all down, baby till I can't see straight,
you bring the cup, and I'll bring the moonshine."

words of wise

Drinking wine and thinking bliss, is on the other side of this
I just need a compass and a willing accomplice

- miss pink.

I see famous people

webCT would break down the day before I have a midterm and during the only timeframe I have to study. thanks universe.

mind you, I did get off work early and aquire a coupon for free poutine... so it's still 1/0 for jillian.

and now, I know someone who's on oprah playing for celine dion.
well, kinda know him anyways.

and it's super sunny out today.

so life, is grand :)
as always, as always.

hollywooded

today, I chilled with my good friend mr rogen, and the teen mommies
and managed to knock off two assignments in the process.
now I'm hanging out with snap, crackle, and pop at 2am..
and they are just as tasty without sunshine.

AND, not just elizabeth banks, but edward mother fucking norton magically appeared on modern family tonight. pretty nice ending to a day full of painful writers block and bi-polar kitty attacks....

} guess some nights are just perfect no matter what. {

squirrel relay mondays

there's a gang of psycho schizo squirels outside my window, a whole bunch of them are chasing this one guy across the fence cause he's got a half eaten sandwich in his teeth that's bigger than his face.... oh okay so now the little one got the sandwich, and escaped along the electric wires. and they all just fell off the fence trying to leap onto the electric wires, without success. Except little buddy with the sandwich... well played, my furry friend. well played.

animals are weird.
I suppose though, I am no exception.

the only real thing

I've always had trouble spelling the word "relationship"
you know, one of those weird things where you always switch the order of certain letters?

... I wonder if that means anything?

on the other hand, I have no problem spelling "procrastination"
and "multi-functional organization".
that kind of thing is just intrinsic in my character.

I was born with that superpower.
the ability to do everything else as humanly and technologically possible before finally adhering to academic demands... it's a talent, really. my dedication to my craft is highly underestimated, it's just not the craft which cost me ten thousand dollars every twelve months.

I can accomplish everything, EVERYTHING in 25 minutes or less if I put my mind to it. But that's just it. I put my mind to the exact opposite and the exact same results happen.. I just end up doing everything ELSE is record time instead. Good for the cleanliness, bad for the conscience. I'll single-handedly tackle anything you throw at me...
as long as it doesn't require anything educationally oriented.

ramble ramble ramble.
time to go write a midterm that I've been studying for, for a WHOLE THIRTEEN HOURS!
newwwww recordddd. I think that calls for a celebration.

did I mention it's my "major"?

... good times at Carleton U.

when daydreams walk

an it's a, goofy thing but I just gotta say heeey, I'ma doin alright.

You know. smiles. and pillsbury cookies. and sleeping in. and silliness. and stage fighting. and fake talking. and hall running. and catching up. and falling behind. and all things wonderful that comes with the turbulent upfall that is january to june. it's all madness, and it's all mine.

It's like every once in a while you catch a glimpse of perfection, a day just falls into place. Today I won upwards of four dollars from a vending machine which paid me to eat my M&Ms, and I spent my (not)hard earned cash on a cold karaoke beer shared with my talented and wonderfully adorable theatrical cohorts. there's nothing I love more than being around people who get it. who have it. who love it. loud speakers and dim lights and short seats, 'here's to good times and good people'.

the backyard's almost fully lit in dim electric blue, tomorrow night's a full moon. who knows what that ball brings? clip on my curls and kick up my heels as this star-spangled adventure begins...

pro crast.

when it comes down to it,
all I ever want to do is sing.

all the time. every day. and never do anything else. and I don't mean I want my life to be a 24-hour a day version of Sondheim-paced lyrics and overacting, as magical as that would be I don't think someone with my level of procrastination and lethargic tendencies, I wouldn't make it past the overture. what I mean is I want to spend every second of every day that I am conscious belting out notes and step-dancing to the chorus over and over. somebody else's songs, notes I know I can hit and rehearse too well. I'm halfway there with my insane person like mouthing on the bus, and street, and school, and.... fuck. no matter. they just don't sing it like I do. now, WRITE SOMETHING ACADEMIC GODDAMMIT!!!!!!


heavy sigh.
judaism, ye shall be my upfall.

my curbside prophet

I don't know if it's customary to re-blog like you can re-tweet, but I am about to make it happen regardless. a man with this level of untamed adorableness deserves to be constantly quoted.
plus, he spoke to my soul a little bit.

Mans Greatest Invention: the snooze button - a device to say Yay I hear you. and No, I dont Want Any... or: Hello Today! Now Go Away!

"If you’re like me and you set the alarm an hour early because you know you’re going to hit the snooze and sleep longer – I invite you to explore where else in your life that mentality shows up for you. Do you put off doing projects until the last minute? Do you often oversleep your project deadlines? Are your dreams altered by your scattered attention to more than one reality? Do you blame the alarm clock for not performing its function successfully? Who else do you blame?

Wake up and smell your finger. "

the hydrants are open

I had a dream last night.

I found my green dress, the one from the city. the one I never gave back cause I loved it too much. and then I finally told you off. I yelled at you until you cried, and I watched as you relived my heartbreak. it was probably two of the most wonderful things to happen in my sleep. if I had been awake, these events would be so much more satisfying. But alas, I have to settle for dreamlike closure and shopping in the nightime.

new hair, new jeans, new heart. I really couldn't be happier. not if I tried.

in the heights, I click the lights and start my day...
[24hrs.]

panama jack's & 6AM trains

hey skies, hey trains, hey planes, hey ocean.

I love discovering new music. creating new vibrations. turning clever names into clever rhythms, and losing your heart in the swell of the drum beat. unexpected instruments pop up in between perfect colliding characters of harmony, and your feet can't help but shuffle in the strobelight.

welcome back to the season of sound

one hand in your pocket.

what I wouldn't give, to find a soulmate.
someone else to catch this drift.

but at the same time my plans are submerged in contradictions.
there's still too much untapped adventure, too many stories waiting to be told of stardust and heat and midnight air. with potion approaching and too much to anticipate, I can't handle losing the momentum when I've been building it up for this long. then again... I need somebody to stop me. this turnstile of young lust and loose tights is getting out of control, and I'm one jack and coke away from a trick baby and a criminal record. but man... prime years? they weren't kidding.

I guess the only gameplan is to trek on. I mean, these memories sizzle with shockwaves of unbalanced entertainment, I've got more notebooks to fill then I could ever imagine.
so why stop now?

isn't it ironic.
dontcha think?

post-post class post

If I sniff one more time the chick beside me is going to punch me in the nose. but it's not my fault that I have irreversible allergies and habits that require permanent illness. I've learned to deal with it, so why can't she? jesuss murphy and joseph....

---

if its right there, it's the last thing I need
and when I need it now, it couldn't be farther away
it trips me up and takes me down
knocks me in the face when I'm looking down,
and kicks out my heels when I'm staring at the sky

even when I'm sick I can feel the fires rage

my head is screened with haze but my intentions don't lie
a quick reply or a passing glance,
too many chances and not enough wit in the world
she's spiraling downward, and she's taking you with her.

the only thing static is stage.
one place where energy crashes with electricity
and magic is created.
I shut my mouth, you shut your eyes and we can just leap
jump back in time or skip months ahead,
live in the song and dance in the moment
nothing to fear but the fear you won't fall,
and only one choice to make;

who do you want to be today?

once more, with feeling

this is just another vehicle for my unending narcisism.
let the painfully articulated mayhem commence...

I'm still confused, having to end all my dates in double digits. 10. 0'10. Oh, ten.
I feel like something should have shifted in the last three weeks, the first of the new year. You know; resolutions failing. snow piling. new stuff, and stuff. But I feel like everything is repeating itself. abusing organs, breezing through priorities, zoning out in various classrooms... the only difference is wood paneling in place of concrete. which, I must say, is a nice change.

but I find myself in the same place, same time, same alternate universe. staring at the back of a beautiful head and daydreaming beyond consciousness, looking for a way out
and searching for a way in.

is he gay, or metrosexual? when can you really tell... all I know is that it's taking all my energy not to lean forward and grab his hair a little bit. grounds for at least a piercing glare and a restraining order, but my mind sees the worth. those stripes are calling my name, and with eyes like that, baby you're asking for it.

it's time to live what I write and write what I live, so here goes ladies and gents; cause you, you're gonna love me.